Doncaster LGBTQIA+ couple prepares to welcome first child into their family

Soon-to-be parents Harvey Cooper and Adam Williams from Stainforth want to be known simply as dads not ‘gay dads.’

“We’ve never had a problem in Doncaster because we’re LGBT,” Harvey, 29, said.

“We feel it’s a safe place for people to come out and there is a large Pride event every year here.

“But we wish that we could be known as just dads instead of gay dads.

“We’re expecting to see comments such as ‘where is the mum’ on social media.

“Surely having two dads in a loving relationship is better than one or none.”

They have embarked together on a journey to start a family in Doncaster and want to share their experiences to help other members of the LGBTQIA+ community who may be considering taking the same steps.

Harvey and 25-year-old Adam have now been in a loving relationship for four and a half years.

The couple live in the house they own in Stainforth and say that they have known that they wanted children since they very first started dating.

Harvey said: “I think we brought it up on the very first date actually.

“You know how you talk about life goals to make sure that you both want the same things.

“But it wasn’t until around one year ago that we started the actual process.”

The couple is using a surrogate who is a family friend and says that it has been a relatively easy process for them to embark on.

“We feel very blessed because we know so much can go wrong with a pregnancy,” Harvey said.

“We get to speak to the surrogate every day and see the baby grow.”

The due date for the child is February 2021, the couple knows the gender of the child but are keeping it a secret until they choose to reveal it on social media.

Whilst the couple describes their journey with surrogacy as ‘easy’ it was a different story when they applied for adoption.

Harvey said: “We were told that we are not a suitable couple for adoption.

“Even though there is such a high demand for adoptive parents.

“We believe that we tick all the boxes that you need to start your own family.”

They believe that it was their status as an LGBTQIA+ couple that became a barrier whilst in the adoption process.

Following this disappointment, the couple chose to pursue alternative methods and landed on surrogacy.

As all expectant parents do they have spent the last few months shopping and preparing their home for the new arrival.

Harvey said: “We’re almost ready now. If anything we have bought too many things.

“There’s a little bit of painting left to do in the nursery but other than that we’re good to go.”

The pair are filled with joy at the thought of their little one arriving and their future life together.

"We have so much love to give and we have always wanted a family,” Harvey said.

“I grew up in a family of five and I’m used to a busy household.

“We can’t wait to become a family unit and watch them grow up and go to school.”

However, Covid-19 has put a wrench in many of their exciting baby celebrations.

“We planned to have a gender reveal party with 40 guests,” Harvey said.

“But obviously we have had to cancel that.

“Which is a shame because we spent hundreds of pounds on fireworks and decorations.”

Adam has health concerns which have meant the couple has had to be extra careful over the last six months.

Harvey said: “He’s high risk because he’s had three kidney transplants in the past.

“We’re very lucky to have a big garden where we could get fresh air during the lockdown.”

The couple is concerned about the possibility of a second wave of the virus before the birth of their child and what that may mean for them.

“It’s a scary thought that we might not be able to be at the birth of our own child,” he said.

“With all the rules that came into place the first time around about women having to give birth alone.

“It’s a huge moment for any parent and we don’t want to miss it.”

The couple is considering a home birth if a second wave of Covid-19 does spike this winter as they feel it is an integral part of the parental journey they want to experience.

Adam and Harvey hope to have another child with the same surrogate in a year's time if all goes well with the current pregnancy.

Harvey is passionate about surrogacy so much so that he has been a donor for others who wanted to start their own families.

He said: “Surrogacy has a bit of a taboo about it here in the UK but not over in the USA.

“We wish it would be considered more normal which is why we are sharing our journey on social media.

“Hopefully by raising awareness and through education, we can get people to see that it’s a perfectly good option for having a baby.”

The couple has been documenting the whole process on their Instagram which now has over 4,000 followers.

They are happy to answer any questions that people may have about surrogacy if you message them directly on their account here.

Thank you to all who support local journalism with a print subscription. The events of 2020 mean trusted, local journalism is more reliant than ever on your support. We couldn't do it without you. Please subscribe here https://www.localsubsplus.co.uk/ so we can keep campaigning on your behalf. Stay safe.