Doncaster couple turned down for adoption celebrate birth of their surrogate son

Harvey and Adam had longed for a family since they first started dating, but were turned down by adoption services because of health issues – Adam has gone through three kidney transplants in the past.

Instead the couple have become parents to a baby boy called Jacob – after a friend offered to be a surrogate mum.

Doncaster LGBTQIA+ couple prepares to welcome first child into their family

Now the family are all together at the family home after Jacob’s birth at a hospital in Wolverhampton at the end of January.

The couple have charted their experience on their own website throughout the lockdown since they started their bid for a family.

And Jacob finally arrived at 5am on January 31, weighing 8lbs 3oz.

It was a complicated birth, which was brought forward because of concerns over possible pre-eclampsia, meaning the mum spending time in hospital.

Harvey, who was 29 when Jacob was born, but has just celebrated his 30th birthday this week, was with the mum in the delivery room, while Adam waited in a room next door, as only one of them was allowed in prior to Jacob’s birth.

Coronavirus restrictions limited the number of people who could be there. But at one stage, they were worried neither of them would have been able to be present due to lockdown, as had been the case in hospitals last spring.

They have been keen to involve social services in the whole process, and wanted to wait for them before they took Jacob home. But because he was born on a Sunday they had to wait until Monday for him to leave hospital.

The couple, who have been together five years, stayed in a nearby hotel, during the time the surrogate mum was in hospital, as their circumstances are regarded as a reasonable reason to travel during lockdown.

Adam, aged 25, gave Jacob his first feed from a bottle, Harvey cut the umbilical cord, and they changed his first nappy together.

Harvey said: “Because we did it all from home, we had social workers involved to make sure they knew we were doing it all in the right way. They didn’t work on Sundays so we had to wait until Monday to take him.”

He said he felt the midwives could have been better briefed, as many of them were not aware that it was a surrogate pregnancy, which he felt was a bit insensitive for the mum.

“A lot of the midwives would think I was her partner,” he said.

Now the three of them are at home together and enjoying parenthood despite the pandemic.

“Being a family at home has been really good – it still doesn’t feel real,” said Harvey, a photographer. “We’ve got a son, and he’s doing well. I’m taking a year out from work.

"We’re keeping in touch with the surrogate mum. We don’t call her surrogate, and her partner described her as ‘the oven’! We’ve not paid her – it has just been a case of reasonable expenses.

"We had met her through a family friend – she had always wanted to help someone have a family. We have known her and her partner for a couple of years.

"We’re feeling really chilled and we’re enjoying being parents. We’ve had a lot of support around us, but we had planned for this so long, which has helped

"I don’t expect it to be hard bringing him up as two dads, although I expect people will sometimes ask ‘where’s mum?’

"Hopefully in the future we will have another, so he has a brother or a sister.

"We hope that we can help make it more straight forward for other people in our position, who don’t know where to start in terms of having a baby.”

He feels surrogacy has been taboo in the past in the UK, and wants that to change.

He said: “Surrogacy has a bit of a taboo about it here in the UK but not over in the USA.

“We wish it would be considered more normal which is why we are sharing our journey on social media.

“Hopefully by raising awareness and through education, we can get people to see that it’s a perfectly good option for having a baby.”

The surrogate mum, who they have not named, sent them a message expressing her feelings, which they have shared.

She said in the message: “I’m so glad I have had the pleasure of helping a family become complete. And nothing is ever going to compare to this experience.

"I know I kept the journey very quiet for the most part of it, but that’s because I wanted to enjoy it as it was my experience and journey to go on and discover everything that goes on.

“My very, very supportive wife has made everything possible beside me and has played a massive part in things, even though it being a quiet part to the rest of the world, it was the loudest part to me.

"Towards the end I have been a bit poorly leading up to little man’s birth, but both of his parents and my wife have gone above and beyond to make sure I’m OK, and done anything possible to help me.

"I couldn’t change any aspect of this for the world. The feeling, I just can’t explain it.”

In these confusing and worrying times, local journalism is more vital than ever. Thanks to everyone who helps us ask the questions that matter by taking out a subscription or buying a paper. We stand together. Nancy Fielder, editor.