For sale: "Disgusting, horrible, underpowered noodle carrying tin box:" Doncaster teenager's hilarious car ad goes viral
A Doncaster teenage driver’s hilarious for sale ad for his clapped out car has gone viral – after it was described as a “disgusting, horrible, underpowered noodle carrying tin box with a sewing machine as an engine.”
Fergus Cameron took to Facebook to flog his bright red Nissan Micra – but rather than singling out his set of wheels for praise, his ad well and truly sticks the boot in on the ‘pathetic’ and ‘poor’ car with ‘as much get up and go as your 90 year old grandmother.’
The hilarious post says the “s***box” car will need a miracle to pass its next MOT and has all the charisma of a block of wood – but would make an ideal car for dogging.
It’s also described as an ‘under powered roller skate’ which would ‘struggle to pull the duvet of your bed’ and with the power of your ‘grandfather’s urine stream.’
Fergus, 19, of Scrooby, enlisted the help of pal Tom Homan to pen the advert for the 2002 model which he is looking to get £400 for.
The tongue-in-cheek post about the car’s shortcomings has already been shared dozens of times on Facebook – attracting dozens of comments.
Here’s what the pair wrote in full:
“For Sale - faded Ferrari red Mighty Nissan Micra.
“This horrible, under powered roller skate has as much get up and go as your 90 year old grandmother, it would struggle to pull your duvet off your bed.
“However if you are a serial dogger who needs a car to get you into the woods or a broke student, this is the ideal car for you, it has all the mod cons like a radio with a tape player and wind up windows.
“This babe magnet of a car will make every grandma on her mobility scooter lose her false teeth if you are seen driving it.
“For anyone who is interested the word Nissan is of Hebrew origin meaning ‘miracle’ which is what this car will need to pass its next MOT (it currently has five months left).
“This car has been used by a first time driver so has all the excuses under the sun like the next door neighbour’s alligator jumped out of the telephone box and made me jump so I kerbed the almost pristine steel wheels. As stated before, the car is blood red or Ferrari red if you are into cars...which clearly you are not if you are looking at this Japanese rice box.
“The good points – it has four new tyres fitted a month ago!
“The bad points – the rest of this digusting horrible underpowered noodle carrying tin box with a sewing machine as an engine.
“If you want all your friends to laugh at you as you drive past them at the bus stop or if you live life on the edge and want to ferry your mates around in this almighty s*** box it will probably do it but don’t attempt a hill or any major off roading expeditions on the way to your local dogging site.
“This car will make you smile as you drive it over the bridge at the scrap yard or once you achieve a long journey in it, it will astound you in how pathetic and poor a car can be.
“So to sum it up a faded Ferrari red Nissan with all the charisma a block of wood and the power of your grandfather’s urine stream.
“It’s for sale I will not swap it for a box of tampons and electric tooth brush or a tin of blue paint out of your stepfather’s allotment no Mars bars or dead rabbits I need money.
“It is sold as seen with no guarantees other than people will point and laugh at you as you drive by!”
Fergus is after £400, or the nearest offer for the car, which has been advertised on Facebook, eBay and various local selling sites.
He says anything above the £400 asking price he will donate to charity.
Anyone interested can contact him via Facebook or contact email@example.com and we will pass your messages on.