Opinion: Women in Doncaster need to take back the night - but how?
For almost 50 years, I have walked the paths and streets of this town, at all hours of the day and night, always knowing that danger may be out there.
But ‘out there’ means somewhere else.
Not here, not in my town, not on my doorstep.
And now, two men who have been part of this town (Mexborough), who live amongst us, have brought ‘out there’ to right here, on a well-lit street, complete with CCTV and all the things that we think will make the world safer for us.
We live in a small South Yorkshire town of 15,000 people. If anywhere should be safe, it’s here.
This is our truth.
As women we are told to mind how we dress in case we communicate the ‘wrong message’, don’t use alley ways and shortcuts, stick to well lit and busy areas, don’t walk alone, don’t carry any valuables, don’t wear both earphones, don’t go out in the dark, stay away from strange men, don’t walk past strange cars, don’t wear your hair in a ponytail – wear it in a bun no one can grab.
We are mentally auditing the contents of our handbags when men walk towards us, carrying out a silent inventory of the everyday items that could be repurposed as weapons.
We cross the road, we stand to one side and let you pass, we hold our dogs to let you jog by, not because our dog doesn’t like joggers, but because we would rather have you where we can see you.
We memorise bus times, taxi numbers, we message friends’ images of the taxi we got in when we left them, we have secret codes with bartenders, so they know we need help.
We always check in to let friends know we have arrived home safely, that’s being a good girlfriend 101. The list goes on.
And for almost my whole life these rules have gone through my mind when I leave home, unchallenged in my own head, living there rent free as ‘the price of freedom’.
Is this what freedom looks like?
Why do we have to make these accommodations just so that we can move through the world in safety?
The answer is simple - men – the 0.01% of them who choose violence.
Every day, every year, there are news articles about how a man took action that harmed a woman.
Sometimes, usually, women they know, but sometimes strangers, and for no other reason than the woman was there when they decided to use their strength and physicality to exert their will.
And here’s the rub, how do women differentiate between man who is a friend and man who is a foe?
We can’t sadly, you all look the same to us.
Bigger, stronger, louder, with more space, in a world designed for men, by men, women are an afterthought, a nice to have.
How does woman stop herself being in these statistics?
She makes herself, her world, smaller, quieter, less obvious.
If no one sees her no one can harm her. We moderate how we dress, how we speak, where we go, who we meet, where we meet them.
In the era of the internet, we must add yet another layer of filters to our lives.
Who are we really talking to online and how much of ourselves can we share without putting ourselves at risk.
How do we make the human connections we all need without exposing ourselves?
If we break the rules and dare to be noticed or accidentally find ourselves in a place that we ‘shouldn’t be’ society blames us, says we were asking for whatever happened to us in that place because we shouldn’t have been there, shouldn’t have been wearing that, shouldn’t have been alone. Or maybe we should be safe.
It’s not about women v men or them and us. It’s about the people who have respect for others versus a tiny proportion of people who can’t keep their hands to themselves.
The 2025-2026 South Yorkshire Police and Crime plan scrutiny board reported in their March 2026 meeting that in the 2024-2025 period there was a 6% increase in sexually motivated crimes and states that “in 2025, the force has recorded a 9% action taken rate for overall sexual offences which equates to 485 investigations finalised in the period with an action taken outcome, in which 452 offenders were charged (8%)”.
Just 9% of reported cases led to action being taken against 8% of offenders. Where’s the other 92% of offenders? Out here with us that’s where.
So, what do we do, how do we change things?
I wish I knew. Because that’s the real problem, how do we make the world safe for women without punishing the men who are our friends, because it’s not all men.
Of the 100 men I will see today 99.99% of them are fathers, sons, uncles, brothers to women like me. Women who are worried about the direction of the world and want to make a change.
Women who want to make the world better for the daughters, granddaughters and nieces that we raise.
We don’t want to have to have the talk, instill fear in their worlds and make their lives smaller before they have even started to live them.
So, what do we do?
We speak. We shout. We take some space for ourselves. We need to promise each other that we will never again look the other way, we need to allow ourselves to care about each other again, to step forward when we can. We choose not to act from fear, to live in fear.
From now on we won’t stand politely to let you pass, apologizing for taking up some space.
We are here, we are part of the world and we will be safe. Every single day, we choose.
You will not take our streets, our town. We will be safe; our daughters will be safe.
If that scares you, good, it should.
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