could you Mind my language please?

Miley Cyrus twerking.
Miley Cyrus twerking.

As a South Yorkshire bloke I am aware that we push the boundaries when it comes to using the English language, tha knows.

I’ve wilfully bamboozled strangers to Tyke talk with incomprehensible phrases like thadberralerragerritersen, or geeor.

But lately I have noticed the use of English by younger generations is giving me a taste of my own medicine.

The way we speak is being overtaken by changes which are happening so fast I reckon I will soon be a stranger to my mother tongue.

As I grow older, it appears the language I have learned becomes increasingly redundant and it is being stolen from me as I speak and write.

It’s not just a few stray thees and thaas or deliberate mispronunciation like South Yorkshire folk are wont to do.

It’s quite often using words to mean entirely the opposite. And this is starting to make me more confused than my advancing years should merit.

The other day a colleague received an email saying he was wicked.

We didn’t know if this was a derogatory term or meant he was in some way ‘cool’.

I heard a grown man describe somebody as dope.

Not a dope, but dope as an adjective. It means the same as wicked apparently.

As opposed to a noun traditionally depicting someone who is a bit sackless.

And it’s not just the meaning of common words I no longer understand.

It’s the order they are used.

Acquaintances routinely start their sentences with random unnecessary words. Mate - you should see this...

Or they pepper it with the word ‘like’ with machine gun regularity.

I recently met a girl who punctuated every other word with like and it was like, like she said ‘oh my god’ every other sentence like so often in an apparent attempt to appear cute and quirky like. With the obligatory questioning raised tone at the end like an Australian. Like.

People routinely say they are ‘passionate’ about things that in my book would make them certifiably insane. Someone recently proclaimed they were passionate about ‘digital’. Getting aroused over noughts and ones? - whatever floats your boat mate.

So - you trendsetting go-getting hip dudes and dudettes on the cutting edge...

I don’t mind if you have invented your own words - you can wear your onesies and google and twitter and twerk with gay abandon if you like. You can articulate the word ‘like’ on repeat all day long.

But stop nicking proper words which have perfectly good meanings and altering them. They’re not yours.