Column: Yes sir, I can boogie, but don't judge me!

Tripping the light fantastic says more about you and your potential partner than you think, according to experts.

By The Newsroom
Saturday, 18th February 2017, 9:00 am
Updated Tuesday, 28th February 2017, 11:23 am

Those of us who like to shuffle on the side of the dance floor are always going to be unlucky in love. Meanwhile, divas underneath the glitter ball are more likely to bag the man of their dreams.

What utter nonsense! But so say scientists who have discovered what moves the best women dancers make - and they’re not for the timid. Think Strictly show-offs, only without the spangly sequins.

A recent study by the University of Northumberland filmed 39 women shimmying to a rhythm of 125 beats a minute. The eggheads turned these dancers into three-dimensional figures using a computer to pare the moves down to essentials only. They then asked 57 men and 143 women to rate each dancer’s ability and found three moves were key to good dancing.

Sign up to our daily newsletter

These were hip swinging, and moving the arms and thighs in an ‘asymmetric’ way. Now, I don’t know about you, but since I’ve hit middle-age every bit of me moves (and wobbles) when I take to the floor.

But no, the scientists claim vigorously wiggling your arms, hips, and thighs is considered to be the most ‘attractive to men.’

Think Beyonce in full shimmy-shake mode and you’re halfway there. Yes, that’s all fine if you’re as lithe as a ballerina and perfectly toned. If not, at full wiggle more of you will wobble than you’ll care to admit. Also, why did they carry out this stupid experiment on just women? What about the men and the many Dad-dancers out there?

I’m not a Dirty Dancing kind of fan, but if I saw a man giving it the full Patrick Swayze I’d presume he was either drunk or having some sort of seizure.

Nobody puts ‘Baby’ in the corner, but that’s where I’d be hiding if my fella was shaking his jewels for all to see. But the research wasn’t aimed at men, only women.

This begs another question: why are they assuming women only dance to attract the opposite sex? It’s utter rubbish. If a man chats me up on the dance floor he usually gets short shrift because I’m too busy having a good time with my mates.

Also, I don’t know about you, but I dance because I love music, not to attract the opposite sex. If my favourite song comes on I’m there, singing along (badly) to every word, so I’m more likely to make them run a mile.

As it stands, I’d fail miserably because I dance to have a good time, not bag a potential soul mate.