You’ve met a lovely new lass or lad in Doncaster and are excited about the prospect of saying goodbye to your days on Tinder.
There are, however, a few things you should know before dating a Donny type...
1. Don't plan on wearing a coat. Ever. Again
You’re not likely to ever see your other half in a coat. Doncaster folk don’t feel the cold so that means t-shirts in January and bare legs in December. Coats are for southerners!
2. Do not suggest going to Rotherham or Barnsley
Never suggest a trip to our near neighbours to your new crush. We may have a few friends who are from such places, but travelling outside Doncaster for fun? No chance.
3. Greggs is considered haute cuisine
Is your darling nursing a raging hangover? Then the only cure is for something freshly baked from Greggs. Whatever time of day it is. Every Donny hangover has been cured by lava-temperature meat and pastry.
4. Going posh means a trip to Bawtry
If you are looking to impress your new crush, mingling with the nouveau riche of Bawtry will work wonders. Trendy wine bars, flash restaurants and prettyness. What's not to like?
5. You must have a tattoo
If you haven't got one, you'd best get inked up quick if you want to blend into the Doncaster set. And when you've got one, flaunt it at every given opportunity.
6. It doesn't matter what sex you are, you'll be called 'love' or 'duck' regardless
There's no greater term of endearment in Doncaster. Expect not only your new love to call you it, but also taxi drivers, bus drivers and kebab shop owners at 3am on Saturday mornings.
7. A trip to Doncaster Racecourse doesn't necessarily mean you're off to see the racing
If things are going well with your new flame and they suggest taking a trip along Doncaster Racecourse's Straight Mile, be warned. The term "and they're off" never seemed so appropriate.
8. We are fiercely proud of Doncaster
Doncastrians might slag it off at every chance, but never ever dream of saying anything negative about Doncaster. We love it here – the people are the best, the pubs are wicked and there’s nowhere else we’d rather be so don’t ever try to suggest that anywhere else is better.
9. Don’t make plans on weekends
Don’t think about making any weekend plans, Saturday is match day and that means watching Doncaster Rovers. There’s only one place your Donny boy (or girl) is going to want to be and that’s the Keepmoat. And then Sundays are for watching more football, this time in the pub.